Post 8: Holding Hands

When my apartment was transformed from a rec room into a "senior safe" space, all the necessary safeguards were installed, including a railing up the cement walkway to street level.

I was running late as I left my lovely apartment a few days ago, a gift and my purse in one hand and my precious Tim Horton's ceramic travel mug in the other. I tripped on the last little step and… You guessed it—both hands were full so I couldn't hold to the hand rail. As I fell, my only concern was the sound of my mug hitting the concrete.

Amazingly, it was still in one piece, minus the coffee. And so was I, minus a layer of skin on my knee.

Lesson learned: what good is a hand rail if your hands are full?

 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

 Isaiah 41:10-13

 What am I holding on to? What am I trusting in? Is my hand free to hold His?

The following week, the video we were watching at Ladies Bible Study began with a lovely woman walking across a wide wooden bridge, the sun shining on her upturned face, holding a bouquet of wild flowers in her hand. The only indication that she was blind was that her other hand lightly touched the wooden guardrail as she walked. She was very aware of what guardrails are for.

As we get older, we are often dependent on canes, walkers, wheel chairs, CPAP machines, help getting up from a deep chair… Are you there yet? If not, you likely will be. And what keeps us from taking advantage of these helps? PURE PRIDE! It was hard for me to admit it, even though I recognized it as such.

Well God gave me my first lesson when I fell backwards into a large, open suitcase last summer and broke my arm. As I lay there, I heard a voice in my spirit saying: This isn't an accident. I didn't understand what it meant then, but I have been learning ever since.

It meant humbling myself to accept help from total strangers to bathe, help me dress, etc. Michèle bought me a cane to help me balance until I was stable enough in my head to walk in a straight line. I didn't use it much even though she bought a green one, my favorite color.

I fought her for over a year over using a CPAP machine until, in a moment of weakness, I submitted to taking a sleep test and discovered my sleep apnea is severe and a machine was strongly recommended. I also discovered that great strides have been made in making them far more quiet and comfortable.

Then yesterday—I had just finished blog post and was very happy with it when I must have hit something with my shaky fingers and lost it all! Not even my private guru in Wheaton was able to find it. I was devastated.

Following her frequent advice, this morning I talked to Jesus about it. As I was listening, the following verse came to mind. "The mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." (Romans 8:6). So I sat down to write it again and this is it. Not exactly what I wrote before, but letting the Spirit guide my mind.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
“This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:2

Is our relationship with our guide and protector close enough that He can take our empty hand when we need guidance and protection. Are we close enough that we can hear Him when He whispers: This is the way.? The only way to achieve this intimate relationship is spending quality time with Him daily.

Be still.

Listen.

Obey.